Column the war reporter: summer hole? Stuff it with beard wool!

If you’ve got brains, you’re not allowed to talk for a long time, but you might be allowed to tweet. Maybe you also have to grow a beard for that.

Friedrich Liechtenstein’s beard is better than Kai Diekmann’s. Picture: dpa

Guys, can’t I leave the country for five minutes without everything instantly coming apart at the seams?

I’m roasting here at the surveillance friend in the summer heat, and on the home front you no longer know where Springer ends and the Muslim begins. I have other things to do – after all, I’m here on business – than watch things at home, but I have to say, what’s going on as a result of the Islamophobic statements made by the deputy editor-in-chief of Bild am Sonntag, that’s got some kick!

It doesn’t happen very often that parts of a chief editor’s office want to publicly distance themselves from their colleagues. The whole thing is particularly shocking because everyone has a say in it. The whole thing wouldn’t be half as nice if everyone who thinks they have a brain in their head didn’t say something about it. Kudos to the digital twitter service at this point.

And because I like to join in the conversation, I naturally regret not being able to devote even half my brain to this topic. As I said, I’m here to work. Despite the shortage of time, Tuesday’s taz cover appeared on my computer, Bartwusel Diekmann and the line "Finally fatwa from the boss: Islam belongs to Bild". I was instantly blown away. A cover of the century!

And yes, dear taz media editors, I think this first page will go down among the three of my all-time favorites of taz titles. It is SO, SO good! Especially since, in the wake of 9/11, it was often enough pointed out that more and more men in Germany are preparing for jihad: by their long beards.

And while Diekmann’s problem, which Springer has created for itself in decades of continuous publishing and targeted personnel selection, is flying around his ears like a cluster bomb, the Springer sleepers have probably been activated elsewhere as well.

Tuesday still full of love

It can’t be a coincidence that Spiegel is starting to work with Bild resources, since nowadays Bild people can be hired by what used to be a leading medium just like that. Or how to interpret, apart from "lurid", "cheap", "populist" and "tasteless", the current Spiegel title showing the victims of the plane shoot-down over Ukraine, with the line "STOP PUTIN NOW!"?

Yet Tuesday I was still so full of love! Love for the New York Times. For while in our country’s largest newspaper the fear of those who are different can be stirred up, the colleagues praise the foreign. In just one issue, two Germans who, for once, need not be ashamed, were presented full of appreciation: Friedrich Liechtenstein and Christoph Schlingensief.

This immediately made me feel a little better, which is why I now only think it’s 98.2 percent bad that the Americans monitor everything. By the way, there’s no need to make jokes about the NSA here. Not because the Americans I talk to like this can’t take a joke, but because they don’t even know what the NSA is. Yes, that’s how they are, the Americans! Always looking forward and not so sourly looking back as we Germans do.

And that’s what I’m doing now, looking ahead. That’s where I see my vacation. It’s two weeks long. I hope you can manage without me, media editor. It’s the summer slump anyway. You can fill it with beard wool. It’s totally tazig: renewable raw material.

And so back to Berlin!